Midnight gym action level: Boss. Apparently anger and aggression really help with lifting. I lifted heavier than I ever have on all accounts tonight.
Suriviving the most painful experience in life, getting your heart, mind and soul ripped to shreds by the person you loved. Then all of a sudden everything turns gray, mornings are signs of agony, the days are slowed with heartaches, and the nights are filled with fear and depression. Then you ask yourself, why try again...? After the fear that has been scarred and planted in your heart and mind that it could happen again, why try...? At this moment, all I want now is to just get where I want to be, get it over with, and live everyday now with a fake smile till I have finally finished my fullfillments and goals ... Then, I'll see what awaits me, if it isn't too late.
Nathan and I haven't had any real conversation s since we confessed that we both like each other while Facebook messaging. I really do like him. But why isn't he texting me anymore? Does he hate me? Is he shy? (despite the fact he is super popular). I've known him since I moved here.
I love brutal workouts ❤ Training legs today brahs, imma get that ass to the grass squat goin' crazy! 👊🙏 Hope ya'll having a great brutal workout today, 💥
I'm sorry I made a pornographic instagram a couple nights ago, ok? At night, my ADD medication wears off, and I become a different person. I feel/ act intoxicated when my medication wears off. Why? I have no idea. Anyway, I looked at my terrible instagram, an hour after making it (4:00 am) and I see that Ryan liked my three photos, wrote comments on them saying: "mmm sexy...", AND following me. Yes, the Ryan that is in my class that is obsessed about me. The stoner ryan. The Following morning, I get texts from him saying shit like: "you shouldnt have done that, but you do have nice tits.", "if ur horny, I can help.", "oh, those texts were from my friend, I didn't see any pics, Amanda I promise", "please don't send me pics of ur private parts", "I won't tell anyone." Then I responded: "why the fuck would I send you a nudes picture?" Then, he tells me that I sent one to his friend. There were 90 men wanting to Kik me that night, but I don't remember a person named Dalton (ryans friend). Ryan keeps on accusing me of doing this by texting me. Today, he was at school. He was dead on staring at me the entire day. In a creepy way.... I want to die. I want to die.